Memorial Days and the tough questions

Anzac Memorial Day is today, April 25th. Anzac stands for Australian and New Zealand Army Corps. This memorial day started as a day of rememberance for the Anzacs who lost their lives during the Gallipoli campaign. Today though it serves as a rememberance day for all those brave soldiers who have and still serve and often times lost their lives fighting for our respective countries. Just last week we comemorated Yom Hashoah, Holocaust memorial day. Today is also Yom Hazikaron, the national Memorial day in Israel.

While reflecting on the lives lost, the wounded, the brave who today are still fighting and risking their lives for us, I've also been thinking how I will talk to my children about these important days when they are older. I think that Memorial days such as today, offer a platform for the start of a dicussion. How young is too young to address it though?

Many children who have parents serving today, I would imagine, are exposed to such things quite young. My parents generation dealt with the direct aftermath of WWII and the horrors of the Holocaust. My grandparents were, thank God, in Canada but those their age lived though it. It seems war affects each generation. That this horrible and harsh reality is so "in your face" today, is it inevitable that our children will be made aware of it at a very young age?

As our children get older and grow in maturity we'll be able to talk more openly about it, but with those first awkward questions, what do we say to them? How do you explain war, death and cruelty to children? When should you bring it up and how? I am probably years away from answering uncomfortable questions about war and the Holocaust but it will happen and I worry about saying the wrong things. How does a parent address such an important and serious issue without traumatizing their young one? War is a sensitive subject for grown adults let alone children. It's likely that they ask questions that I still ask myself. "Why do bad things happen to good people," sort of questions. There's the traditional Jewish response but it's so in depth no one can expect a child to wrap their minds around such a concept. We teach our children that good behaviour is rewarded and bad behaviour has negative consequences. The world doesn't always work that way. It's a reality most adults I know, including myself, are uncomfortable with.
This year our family didn't go to the 5am dawn service ( it didn't seem wise only four days away from my due date,) but it is something we'll make an effort to do in the future. My husband has relatives on the memorial wall in our city and it's something we will share with our children with great pride. While I may not know how exactly I will talk to my children about war I, myself, will spend time today reflecting, thinking of the lives and the lives of the families affected by war.

Lest we forget.

Can we avoid toddler jealousy over our soon to be born baby?

As of this morning my due date is only a week away. As you can imagine my thoughts are almost completely taken over with all things baby. One thing I've been thinking and reading a lot about is how to maintain a loving connection between my two year old and the baby once the baby is actually here. Right now Sari is wonderful with the baby. She lifts up my shirt and and says to my tummy "Hello baby Lev! What are you doing?" She gives kisses and cuddles to my tummy and pats me while saying " I love baby Lev." It's all very melt your heart cute but how will she react when baby Lev is actually here? I thought it'd be a good idea to write some of the things I've read while researching this subject and share them with you, my readers. Please feel free to add suggestions. Let me know if some of these have worked or not worked for you.

I've read that many children have a difficult time adjusting to having a new baby is the house. So much attention is put on the baby and suddenly they aren't the only one with all of Daddy and Mummy's love and attention. I've read some terrible stories of jealousy and even resentment especially in toddlers who just don't understand that the baby is going to take some attention away from them at least for the time being.

Most of the reading I've done has suggested to avoid this jealousy we should ensure our daughter feels like she's a part of taking care of the baby and sharing in all of the excitement. My own experience with six younger siblings is very much like this. We were always great little helpers when the new baby came along. I don't remember myself or any of my siblings showing any signs of jealousy of a new sibling. I would have worked to make sure Sari felt a part of it all even if I did not read what the 'experts' had to say. 

I've also read that another way to avoid this bad reaction is to get the grandparents involved. It makes sense, grandparents shower their grandchildren with affection in a way only grandparents can. My parents live on the other side of the world but I know my in laws will be a great resource for us.

There's the idea of buying a gift for the older child from the baby. I know at least two friends of mine who have done this when they recently have added to their families. I don't know how I feel about it. On one hand, I think why not, new toys or books always put a kid into a good mood. It can't hurt for Sari to feel as though the baby got her something, like a peace offering. "Sorry to intrude big sister but here's a gift. Love you." On the other hand, buying her a gift because something is about change in our house seems a bit like bribery. Here's a present now you be a good girl. That being said  I'm not above the occasional bribery with my two year old. A arrowroot cookie goes a long way with my daughter.

We've given Sari a doll that looks like a newborn and taught her how to be gentle with it and she seems to love taking care of it. I've read that this is another way to make a toddler feel involved. They can do everything you and your newborn do with their doll. As of right now she asks me to wrap the baby doll in a blanket and tucks her into 'bed' along with a "Layla tov baby, I love you." She puts the doll into her doll stroller and takes it for walks around the house. The doll came with a cloth nappy and Sari will ask for my help to change her nappy. To me these all seem like good signs and  I'm hoping this will work in our favour when our little boy does finally arrive.

At the end of the day I can only hope that one or a combination of these ideas along with lots of love, kisses and cuddles works. I certainly don't want my beautiful little princess to feel any less important or less loved when the baby comes.

Nearly baby time and I'm nervous

Almost there! I'm only a week and a half away from my due date!

I'd love to tell you all I'm just full of excitement but to be honest I'm feeling more nervous than anything. You'd think this being my second child I'd be feeling at least a little more confident but the opposite is true. With my daughter my labour was induced at the hospital ten days after my due date. In the end she was born twelve days late. Some women would hate to have been pregnant an extra almost two weeks but my first pregnancy was so easy going it honestly didn't bother me at all. In a way I found it reassuring that I was there in hospital when everything did start to happen. No worrying about my husband having to come home from work and getting stuck in traffic or something like that. I wasn't in the grocery store or mall when my waters broke or wondering if what I was feeling were contractions, braxton hicks or just soreness. To be completely honest even before I went past my due date I was incredibly calm about the whole thing. At my midwife appointments it was often mentioned how calm and easy going I was. Not at all like this time.

I've been wondering why I'm nervous about something that I've already done, quite well if I do say so myself. I know the process is natural and that my body was made to do this. My own mother and many friends have been working very hard to be reassuring but for some reason I'm sitting here thinking it would almost be easier if the baby waited like his sister did so I know I'm in the right place and basically what will happen. Sound ridiculous, especially coming from a mum who is a big believer in doing things naturally if possible. So maybe it's just the fear of the unknown.

Maybe it's the differences between this pregnancy compared to my first. This time the baby has actually dropped a little, Sari didn't drop until well into the induction process. I've had some braxton hicks, which I admit made me panic for a moment when it happened. I never felt any with my daughter. I just have a feeling he won't be in there for as long as his sister. With Sari I was able to relax, whenever I wanted or needed to. This time I have a two year old to look after. Picking her up, playing, the extra cleaning and cooking have definitely taken their toll on me during this pregnancy.

Maybe the nerves are because I remember how long, painful and tiring labour was the first time. Thankfully we had no real complications, just a stubborn baby who was quite comfortable where she was. It was a long couple of days though.

Even with all my nerves I'm still so very excited to meet our son. I wonder what he'll look like. If he'll be like his sister in temperament. Will it be much different having a baby boy compared to a baby girl? There's something about adding a second child to our family that makes me feel "complete." That's not say we'll never consider having a third but for right now two seems just right.

Wish me luck readers, any day now I could be posting about how things actually did go!
 

Family and Sports

Families usually have something they love to do together. Something that helps bond parents with their children. For our family it's sports. Last night I watched my two year old run around the house waving a Carlton Blues scarf saying " Carn the Blues!" over and over again. This was bound to happen in a household like ours. One of the many things that my husband and I have in common is our love for sport. As a Canadian I grew up living and breathing ice hockey. It was bonding factor between myself and my brothers as well as with my parents. In fact my love for hockey nearly led me down a career path of scouting up and coming players. Here in Australia the love Canadians have for hockey is comparable to the love Aussies have for Australian Rules Football. Doug introduced me to Aussie rules before I even left Canada and I fell in love with the game. It puzzles me that it hasn't become better known internationally.While I still love ice hockey my passion for footy has clearly taken the top of my sports list. You know what they say "When in Rome.."

Along with waving a scarf and chanting "Carn the Blues!" my little princess also copied much of what we were saying. Thankfully we were mindful to keep it clean while she's around (it helps that Carlton was winning.) Her booing of the opposing team and heated rival Collingwood was met with applause from both Doug and I, which had Sari beaming with glee. At two years old I know she doesn't exactly understand why we get so excited about 18 guys on a big patch of grass chasing and kicking a ball but she loves getting caught up in the excitement with us. The wonderful thing about sports is it also promotes getting outside and getting active. When we head into the front yard Sari always wants to bring football with us. She loves to play catch and kicking the ball around. She'll give chase to Mummy and Daddy until we gently throw the ball her way. It's just a fantastic way for all of us to have a good time and get moving.

I know some parents worry about having their kids play contact sports in particular. I can understand that worry. Contact sports can be rough as a child gets older especially if they are very good and play in competitive leagues.  However there are so many benefits. For kids they learn about keeping physically healthy and understanding basic nutrition. Along with playing sports comes self-motivation, accountability, self-management, persistence, resilience, confidence and self-awareness. As well as helping social development. Team sports creates a fun environment for a child to learn how to work as part of a team. Winning and keeping the right attitude. Losing can be tough, but so is life and in my opinion if you can learn to take a loss with class and the right attitude, life just got a little easier for you.

For parents it's a way to get more involved in the community as well as bonding with your child. Life is busy when you have kids, there is a great social benefit for you too by having your kids involved in sports.

There's always the chance that Sari will grow up and hate sports. I do think in our house that would be pretty unlikely. However if she, or any future children doesn't like sports and instead loves music, art or dance that's fine by us. Whatever it is we'll be supportive and get involved because that's what our children really need, parents who are there for them. I imagine that much like my own experience growing up, sports will help us all bond as our children grow into adulthood.

She's crook but I'm the one frustrated..is that bad?

Nap time suddenly not going smoothly, a slightly runny nose, a little more whinny, or maybe a little more cuddly. The signs differ from child to child but it all means the same thing...your normally happy full of energy kid is coming down with something. If you're anything like me your first thought is probably something along the lines of "Ohhhh my poor baby." My second thought however is far less gracious and goes something like "Oh boy, now I'm gonna be up all night dealing with a crying, upset toddler." In the end though I spend the whole time worrying about my little princess. Checking on her a dozen times while she's sleeping even though I know this may be the only time I will get any rest until she's feeling better.

Toddlers are like anyone when they aren't feeling well, they're miserable. With few differences of course. One being toddlers generally can't communicate how they feel in words they way adults can.  You most certainly can't reason with a toddler that drinking more water will ultimately help them to feel better. Oh and lets not forget they can't wipe their own nose, not properly anyways. Depending on how long they are sick and with what, parents react with a wide range of emotions during these times. I feel a huge amount of sympathy for my daughter. I would happily take on anything so she could go instantly back to the happy and playful toddler she normally is. I feel worry when her temperature doesn't go down as fast as I'd like it. I feel exhaustion when I've gotten very little sleep becasue I was checking on her or she woke up crying during the night. Frustration is another one of the feelings I get, often followed by guilt over that frustration. Of course the missed sleep or the headache I developed from the constant crying and whinging are frustrating. It always makes for a very long few days when Sari comes down with a cold or a flu but let's be honest, she's probably feeling worse than I am and as loving parent I hate seeing my baby feeling so terrible.

So does it make me a bad mum to feel frustrated when she's sick? I've thought about this and I've come to the conclusion that as long as I'm not taking it out on my child then I'm allowed to feel a little frustration. I look after Sari for most of the day five days a week, I cook, I clean, basically I make sure things go smoothly here at home while hubby works his butt off at his job. When Sari gets sick, I have to be able to take care of a sick toddler with less sleep than I normally have. I still have to make sure we're fed for the day and the house doesn't get too out of control dirty for the days or week she's sick. It's bound to be challenging to get everything done and all while trying to figure out what exactly it is my two year old is trying to tell me she feels or wants in between sobs. Yes, I get a little frustrated but being a mum doesn't mean you aren't human. What do I do then? Well I serve up a little chicken soup, take a deep breath and call on my patience.

A Change of Perspective

I hate making lists.That's right I said it. I hate them. In fact it's become a running joke in our house about how I avoid list making. My husband is most definitely a "let's make a list" person. He reminds me every time we get home from grocery shopping that I wouldn't forget things if I just wrote it down. My reasoning is I'd most likely forget to write something on list and while shopping I'd focus on the list and still come home missing something so why bother with the effort to write it down. If I were to be completely honest though it's probably just laziness and a healthy doze of self confidence, "Of course I won't forget anything!"

With so much preparation needed for Passover you'd think I'd give in and write a list, especially considering this year that start of Passover landed on the long four day Easter weekend. Well if you thought that, you thought wrong. Do you know hard it is to find a open store on Good Friday? My husband does. Poor guy, it's good thing he loves me so much. He also knows all the hard work that goes into cleaning a house in preparation for Passover. With my sore back and a pregnant tummy that seems to get bigger by the second he offered his help this year to clean the house. While I baked, cooked and prepped the items for our Seder plate he scrubbed, cleaned and worked incredibly hard to get our home into kosher for Pesach shape. Every woman should be so lucky as to have a husband willing to help out like he does.

When all was said and done though my husband, myself and my daughter sat down last night and had a small, slightly rushed family Seder. I've been quite vocal about my feelings on Passover (see the post "Love Passover even though Mummy doesn't.") Last night though I will admit to truly enjoying myself. It's amazing how having a family changes your perspective. I wasn't looking in disgust at the maror (horseradish) thinking about just how little I can get away with putting on my piece of matzah. Instead I was enjoying watching Sari's face when she tried it. She wasn't a fan but it was quickly washed down with charozet (a apple,walnut, honey,wine/grape juice mixture.) I didn't think a thousand times how sick I'd be of matzah before the end of the night, let alone the end of eight days. Instead I loved hearing Sari call it a cookie and happily eat it as if it was the most delicious cookie she's ever eaten. I also didn't focus on how at 27 years old I still feel a bit silly singing the four questions. No this year I focused on how after hearing my husband and I sing Dayenu, my little princess went around singing the simple one word chorus not only all the way through dinner but through the rest of the Seder. In fact even after she had been put down to bed we could hear her singing to herself until she finally fell asleep. While I do enjoy the retelling of the story of Exodus, never have I enjoyed it as much I did when I watched Sari giggling as she jumped and said "ribbit, ribbit" like a frog. Seeing her enjoy her first ever Kosher for Pesach brownie, priceless. Like I said having a family changes your perspective. Am I going to look forward to Pesach every year? Probably not. It's still a lot of work and a long week of no chametz but last night something did change for me. This morning watching a classroom full of kids at Temple listening and acting out the story. I realised that my joy and pride in watching Sari love it is enough for me.

I wish you all a happy and kosher Pesach!

A sense of community

I briefly mentioned in my last post that it has been three years since I've arrived in Australia. People ask me all the time if I get homesick. I always smile and say the same thing " How can I be homesick when I talk to my parents more now than I did living in the same city as them? Thanks Skype."
It's true, I don't get homesick. That isn't to say my friends and family back in Canada aren't wonderful, because they are. I truly do speak to my parents more now. Thanks to Skype and Facebook I keep up with friends and family alike no matter where I am or they are. In some cases I honestly do talk to some people more now than before I left Canada but that's not the only reason I don't suffer bouts of homesickness.

It, of course helps that I've got my own young family now, in laws who have taken me in so lovingly and a small but devoted and amazing set of new friends here. The thing I didn't count on was our local Jewish community. I didn't even I realised how much support we had from our own congregation until this past week. Of course they were wonderful when my daughter had her belated naming ceremony, belated so my parents and two youngest brothers could be there. When my husband decided to officially become a Jew by choice, they were wonderfully supportive then too. This past week though I've really realised what a sense of family we get from our Temple.

I'll explain a little of what's been going on to make me realise this. As I've said in earlier posts we are expecting a little boy at the end of this month. Knowing the sex of the baby my husband and I thought it'd be a good idea to get on top of the planning of a Brit Milah, and it's good thing we did. The first thing to do was to contact a doctor. The local mohel won't do it for us in a religious setting because my Jewish blood is through my father and not my mother. Frustrating as that is, we moved on. The next doctor we spoke to insisted on forwarding us on to the mohel. This lead to a few days of emails trying to explain why the mohel wouldn't preform a Bris for us. Even after we explained our situation, this doctor for reasons he didn't pass on to my husband said he couldn't help us. Thankfully a board member at our Temple has been amazingly helpful and this morning hubby checked his email and found several emails from other board members and even a Rabbi from another State (our Temple is in midst of finding a new Rabbi.) All offering suggestions and help. This being our first son, we had no idea of what our options are. While the situation itself has been frustrating it has been incredibly reassuring to have so much support from the people at Temple.

I realise now this sense of community is another reason I don't suffer from homesickness. I feel as though here, in a city I had never even heard of four years ago I have found a whole community worth of support and love. That makes me feel even better about raising my children here. While no one can replace my own parents and siblings, it nice to have "family" around to lean on. They will be there as our children grow up through the Temples' religious school, who will one day witness my daughters Bat Mitzvah, my son's Bar Mitzvah, hopefully a couple of weddings down the road. For Doug and I, it's always been our goal to raise our children with a proud sense of their Jewish identity and thanks to our support system here I know that will be reinforced through the community as well as through family.

I feel like this is something every family should have. It doesn't need to be through a synagogue but a support system when raising a family makes all the difference in the world. I've always felt as though the saying "it takes a village to raise a child" had some credence. Now I truly believe it. That "village" can be a strong circle of friends or family, church, synagogue, whatever is your community. I know that I am very grateful and happy to have our community. 

So many things to do...including planning a Brit Milah

This morning when I woke up my first thought was "Omigod I've only got four weeks until my due date." My second thought was "Omigod three years ago today I arrived in Australia." The latter made me smile and snuggle up a little closer to my still sleeping husband, Doug. The first thought though that made me think of the all the things I still have to do before we welcome our little boy into the world. The list is sadly quite long. Funny enough, even though I went through this only 2 years ago with our first child it seems I've been slack in getting prepared this time around. With my daughter I spent months buying things, clothes, furniture, toys, lots of nappies. I bought wind drops before she was even born and never once needed them, the list goes on. This time around there are certainly less big ticket items to buy and my new circle of friends here in Australia have made sure I have no need to go out buying baby boy clothes for at least a year (thank you ladies!) I've still managed to wait until now before even thinking of buying anything at all. It's not just buying of things, it's becoming organised for the arrival of a new baby. The one thing I have done is give a bag of stuff to the friend who is looking after our daughter to have for when we drop Sari off before heading to the hospital. Just this past weekend I started to pack the nappy bag with baby clothes, nappies, etc for when we're ready to leave the hospital. I have yet to even start packing my own hospital bag, I keep saying I'll get on it tomorrow. There's the rental of a car seat capsule for those newborn months to arrange. There's still some rearranging in the house to do including moving the nappy changing table out of Sari's room and into the nursery. The list goes on...and on.

One of the other things that needs to be done is to make sure we ready for organising a Brit Milah. Thankfully the actual organising of a mohel/doctor, making phone calls, emails and anything else that needs to be done will land on hubby's to-do list after the baby is born. I basically just show up. For my non Jewish readers I'll explain a little about what is involved in a Brit Milah. Brit meaning covenant, Milah meaning to cut. This of course is referring to circumcision. The ceremony itself actually has two parts, the blessing and circumcision are part one. Followed by kiddish and the naming of the baby. It's done on the eighth day after a baby boy is born providing the baby is in good enough health. Not even for the Holiest days of the year do we postpone a Brit Milah. Only in the case of a baby who is too weak or sick is it suppose to be postponed. This important ceremony is something I'm looking forward to, well mostly. Having our son enter into the covenant is a special moment for both Doug and I. The actual circumcision itself I will no doubt have my eyes closed for though. I've come across some more liberal than myself Jews who are against the ritual of circumcision. To them I say, to each their own but for me and my family it's fulfilling a Mitzvah that marks our son's entrance into the covenant with God and we find it very important to us.

I've never had the opportunity to attend a Bris (Yiddish for Brit) so while I know what to expect it will be my first in-person experience. Hopefully in about five weeks time I'll be recovering well and able to take in this very special ceremony with family and a few friends.

Here's to being more organised in these weeks leading up to the arrival of my little boy.